I’m only going to say this once, and I want it known that I mean absolutely no disrespect and I do not want to make anyone upset. Anyone that isn’t open minded should just avoid this post entirely.
I feel in my gut, the one part of me unaffected by news or emotion, that Jahar is innocent.
I’m calling him not suspect 2 or Dzhokhar, but Jahar because he was in my class. I’ve watched this kid stumble sleepily into the room about 15 minutes late and then proceed to finish his nap right at his desk. I’ve seen this kid smile and laugh and join in conversation and I’ve watched him give a debate.
I simply don’t believe that a guy who was nervous to tell a very small amount of peers and his professor his stance on a completely impersonal topic is the same one who could plant a bomb. A kid whose rebuttal consisted more of "uh”s and "ums” than points, and couldnt stop fidgeting, a kid who suffers public speaking anxiety is a terrorist? Some type of criminal mastermind? This kid who could shoot someone and manage to stay on the run from fucking martial law for 25 hours, you’re telling me he’s also 19 and escaped from a full force fucking army on foot?
Even before I realized who exactly the kid was, something about the Boston bombing didn’t sit right with me. When I was told my campus was closed because a bombing suspect attended my college, my gut reaction was "this is bullshit.”
"This doesn’t make any sense.”
"No fucking way.”
Not out of shock, but suspicion. Or call it paranoia.
Then I saw his face and laughed a little, that kinda looks like the kid in my Tuesday/Thursday lecture. "Imagine?” I thought. I only ever heard his name, and it doesn’t sound the way it’s spelled, so naturally I dismissed this.
Then I heard his name and I felt it in the very pit of my stomach. No.
I have no personal ties to this kid. None. I did not directly speak to him, nor did I know his personality.
All I have is my gut and my gut is telling me this is wrong.
I mean no disrespect to victims’ families.
All I’m saying is this case is a special variety of fucked up and this kid is innocent. And there is something terribly, terribly wrong with this country.
It’s only going to get worse.
A city of a million under martial law at the drop of a dime.
CISPA passing conveniently while it was going on.
Something is wrong and this world is changing right before my eyes.
And I feel utterly terrified, and one hundred percent helpless.
The adults I’ve spoken to, whose only resource is CNN, have deemed the kid a monster. A nightmare. Guilty. Psycho. The only time I’ve heard the word "suspect” is honestly on the fucking television.
I doubt he will get a trial, thanks to NDAA, or even survive much longer. Even if the words "I’m guilty” leave his lips, that will not change my gut reaction.
Many things can change my mind or my perspective, but nothing can ever change my gut. It is instinctive.
To avoid the possibility of being deemed a terrorist myself or a sympathizer or a supporter, let me explain that I am open to everything.
It’s entirely possible this kid was fucking insane, or a mass murderer and could easily blend in with his surroundings. It’s entirely possible that he is guilty. It’s possible.
I’m just saying it doesn’t feel that way to me.
Ignoring the fact that this bombing accusation has a load of scary factors (public hysteria, the installment of martial law, Muslim targeting, scapegoating, conflicting stories, undeniable photographs), the minute I heard about the Boston bomber being discovered on my campus, besides suspcion, I felt something else. Hysteria nipping at my heels. I could feel chaos in the air.
I feel like I am watching our world unravel and morph into something else, something darker, something completely unrecognizable and I feel like I’m standing alone in this view.
I am only voicing my opinions and my fears. I have no facts or personal evidence. I keep stating this because honestly it doesn’t make logical sense to me why I feel like this kid is innocent, but I do.
To be completely honest, if this happened in another state, I would’ve probably given this case only a couple days of my attention. It would be a tragedy and the conspiracy theories would fly like they often do, and I would give them a glance but I can guarantee you I wouldn’t feel anything in my gut. Not about someone else.
This hits tooaa close to home, too close for comfort for me to ignore. It is not personal, but it feels that way to me. And it feels like this isn’t something that should just be forgotten.
I’m not going to get too into detail here but my gut coupled with the piles of intriguing information out there…something is not right. Something needs to change and it needs to start now and the worst part is every day that goes by, I feel like I’m hurtling faster toward a change I don’t want.
A change that I have no fucking clue how to stop.
The photographs keep multiplying, more and more, and the news’ stories make less and less sense. Lose more and more credibility. His friends are fighting so fiercely for him, believing whole-heartedly that this kid is innocent, but I’m expected to believe it’s just their denial?
Any other kid. Any other place. Any other college. I might’ve been able to turn my cheek like everybody else seems to be. I might’ve been able to let it go.
But this was right in my backyard. Right in my home.
Jahar isn’t just a guy, anymore, not to me. To me he is a symbol. A symbol of change. A symbol that like it or not, one way or the other, things are happening and happening now.
I can understand why many wouldn’t want to face this, because it means something. It means that our government is not what we thought it was. It means our country is not the same place anymore. It means that our main concerns won’t be our wallets, our clothes, our shoes or our phones anymore. Our main concern will be our fellow men. Our general safety.
Thomas Hobbes felt that any misery we as a people suffer from abuse of power from our government is, in any event, better than the misery we would suffer without our government. I can understand this view, but I also with every fiber of my being deplore it.
Some might be willing to sit back and let this fly. I can’t. Even though I can’t do anything, I feel like it’s my civic duty to acknowledge it. I will not forget and I will not turn my cheek on this.
Even if I stand alone